Applying Godly Principles in Marriage
Are you tired of trying to figure out marriage on your own? I know I didn't learn this lesson until it was too late and my first marriage ended. If this is you, then I am sure you can relate. If it is not you, then let this article be a teaching for you. Let's dive in and talk about how to implement Godly principals into your marriage. The goal is to strengthen your marriage relationship, grow closer to God and each other.
Biblical Marriage Foundation
"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock." (Matthew 7:24 NIV)
As a married couple, it is easy to get complacent and say you will be better or do this and that. Really though it's best when we put those words into action. In the Bible, over and over again, you will read about how when we build our house on the steady rock of God that it will not shake, it will not crumble. We are also advised to not only be hearers of the Word, but to be Doers.
For me, I have a tale of two marriages. My first marriage which lasted about 5 years was not built on the rock of God's Word. I take full responsibility for that. I felt that I "didn't have time for church" or "time to be around like believers" even though I said I was one. However, I certainly had time to sleep in on Sundays, do yard work, or watch TV. I can point to this as a major reason why that marriage fell apart. There was no reading the bible or praying. As God said, I built my house on the sinking sand of what the world had to offer and fall it did.
So I would encourage you practically speaking to make sure you commit daily time to reading God's Word and praying. Those are the simplest and most basic but yet powerful things you can do to start.
Communication and Prayer
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." (Ephesians 4:2 NIV)
Communication is what we always hear is the number one issue that couples struggle with. Now sometimes communication is at the root but often it is a symptom of other things. Either way, it still is helpful as a married couple to make sure you prioritize this in your relationship.
I might be biased but I lean toward over communicating. I am talking some about day to day logistical issues, but also deep stuff. This can often be harder for me. However, I have seen this issue for women as well. In fact in my own marriage, Heather often tells me at the beginning she thought I was the better communicator.
My encouragement to the spouse who maybe does overcommunicate, is that you watch the harshness with which you communicate. Dial the tone and volume down a bit. For the spouse that under communicates, make sure to proactively seek out your spouse. Talk about your day and deeper things like your fears and worries.
Don't forget that it all starts with prayer. Each of you individually should work to increase your prayer life. Ask God how he can help you communicate better with your spouse. Then at some point bring your prayers together. Pray with and for each other. Prayer and communication can be a powerful combination in the lives of a Christian Married Couple.
Love and Sacrifice
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." (Ephesians 5:25 NIV)
This idea of love and sacrifice can certainly be misused and even abused if we are not careful. God does call us to sacrificially love our spouse. He calls us to be selfless and not selfish. This does not mean you can take advantage of this nor does it mean you have to stay in a relationship that is manipulative or abusive.
Look for small moments when you can show love to your spouse. For example, in my own marriage I know that my wife Heather's love language is "Physical Touch." So there are occasions where I might rub her shoulder or grab her hand, because I know this speaks to her. Now maybe that love language does nothing for me (it actually does), but the point is to do things that will draw your spouse closer to you and not push them further away.
Sometimes it is the simple things, which I am still working on. It could be going somewhere your spouse wants to go or watching a show you wouldn't normally watch. However, make sure of course that this is balanced. I am giving you permission to stand up for yourself, but as much as you can be okay with what your spouse wants to do.
Forgiveness and Grace
"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." (Colossians 3:13)
This one is big. Heather and I are big believers that you can't move forward in a marriage relationship without these things. Forgiveness and Grace wipe the slate clean. Forgiveness simply says, I will not hold onto to negative thoughts about you and this thing you did. Grace is giving us something that we don't deserve. This is like God's Love. Adam sinned in the Garden of Eden and unfortunately cursed all of mankind because of that. However, God redeemed us all when we didn't deserve it by sacrificing his own Son, rather than you and me. Offer this same grace to each other in your marriage relationship.
Are you holding onto something your spouse did? You will know if you are, by the emotions it stirs within you. If you feel things like anger, bitterness, resentment then there probably is unforgiveness. Go to your spouse and offer Forgiveness. Maybe the shoe is on the other foot. Maybe it is something you did that caused hurt. Is it time you genuinely said you were sorry. Be patient though as sometimes forgiveness is a process.
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